As a mindset coach who has worked in positive psychology for 24 years, this coming festive season opens a Pandora’s box. Particularly for couples that are already hanging off the edge of their relationship, and their rope is frayed.
Here are some quick dot points that I put together to help you answer, “Why Couples Break Up in December/January & How to Get Through It.”
Humans think in cycles and the Christmas and New Year period marks a point of reflection. While most of the year, couples are in the doing phase of life, the holidays give couples time to ponder the health or the sickness of their relationship.
Worse, the Christmas gatherings are also busy and add to the end-of-year pressure, and like a bulging hose, the weaknesses are going to show.
Add to that, the alcohol, the excess fats and sugars that swing your energy levels and so your emotions. That hose is going to be at bursting capacity – and then, we get New Year a few days on and following pressure release, have couples looking at each other, reflectively, most likely for the first time in the year. For stressed couples in strained environments, it’s break time – for some, literally.
Here’s why in some dot points for you:
Year-end pressure magnifies unresolved issues, financial strain, family commitments, and holiday expectations, and intensifies existing cracks in the relationship.
“Relationship audit” effect. People who naturally ponder more meaningful things at the end of the year and reconsider whether their relationship aligns with their goals for the new year. Of course, people also think by looking in the rear-view mirror, and those with stressors start reviewing all the cracks that appeared over the last year.
Increased time together. Couples spend more hours in proximity during holidays, which can expose communication gaps or simmering conflicts.
Comparison culture peaks. Social media during the festive season can amplify dissatisfaction as people compare their relationships to idealised holiday posts.
Emotional fatigue. After a year of stress, many partners have depleted emotional reserves, making conflict more likely and tolerance lower.
Built-up resentment surfaces. The symbolic fresh start of January often triggers action on issues that have been ignored for months.
How couples can get through this period
Communicate proactively before stress peaks. Plan honest, calm conversations about holiday expectations, finances and boundaries. I like to call them, “Getting To Know You Again” sessions. This is where couples ask the big questions. “Why do you do what you do for a living?” “What did you dream you would do as a kid?” “If you had a magic wand, what would you do this next year?”
Create “pressure-free” time together. Schedule relaxed, connection-focused moments away from family events and obligations.
Set realistic expectations. Agree that the holidays don’t need to be perfect; focus on shared values and meaningful moments instead.
Prioritise rest and emotional bandwidth. Encourage personal downtime so each partner can show up more patient and present.
Use January for reconnection, not reinvention. Set small, achievable relationship goals rather than expecting a dramatic “new year, new us” shift.
Seek support early. Even one session with a relationship coach can help couples break communication patterns that escalate during this season.
I encourage all my clients to work on the cracks before they become crevices.
Where to get help
While some people prefer to ignore the cracks, I have found that this is where (mostly) men are blindsided by coming home to their “Dear John” or “Dear Jane” letter or discovering that their house key no longer works.
If you would like some help, here is a page where you can schedule a complimentary 1-hour session to get some initial help.
