Relationship bliss – it’s all in our love language

five-love-languagesCurrent research provides evidence that the relationship between “Appreciation” and our “Emotional” interpretation is directly influenced by our language. Relationship bliss is all due to our love language.

In Dr Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages” he has identified five different ways in which we all show love, appreciation and feel rewarded. We can get this totally wrong if we don’t know another person’s “Love Language.”

While I’m “Words of Affirmation” and “Acts of Service” – which one appeals to you?

Observe how much difference love language can make in improving your relationships!

1. Words of Affirmation: Some of us respond best to positive words of appreciation.

This means we actually prefer a card to a present! If this is you, then you will feel loved and appreciated by receiving a card with thoughtful words inside, a moment when someone verbally acknowledges your contribution or value, a thank you email, an inspirational quote or perhaps they send you touching poem or the words to a relevant song. We all have a special love language.

2. Acts of Service: Some of us prefer to have things done for them.

Guys, if you’re living with your partner, this might be as simple as taking out the rubbish bin or making dinner, perhaps a massage that wasn’t asked for. At work, this might include offering to us a cup of coffee or that special pastry for morning tea. Perhaps it’s picking up lunch or running an errand. If this is you, your Love Language is “Acts of Service.”

3. Gifts: Some of us do actually prefer to receive a present and we like it wrapped, even if it’s small. So if this is you, then others need to note what sort of gifts stir your emotions or simply get you grinning from ear to ear.

Here it is important to understand your partner’s values; what’s important to them and why it’s important to them. In our Masters program, we learn all about values from a personal level right up to an entire country’s values. Knowing your values and other people’s values makes more difference than you can imagine. It’s everything!

4. Quality Time: Investing in some quality time with us is the main way we know we are appreciated and rewarded.

This love language centres around time. At home, it could be as simple as watching a movie with us and being totally present when you do so. As a manager, this might include taking these members of your team out for coffee or lunch. This means a great deal to them, particularly if they know you are very busy and pressed for time. Giving them the afternoon off also will go a long way for us to feel rewarded and appreciated. If this is you, then it’s all about time.

5. Physical Touch: Would you rather have a pat on the shoulder or a hug, than receive an expensive gift? If that’s you, then you’re all about “Physical Touch.”

At home, be sure to create moments when physical connection can happen. In the workplace, hugs may not be as appropriate, however for someone with this reward language, patting them on the shoulder for a job well done will encourage them to keep performing at their best.

If you want to cover all bases; invest some of your quality time to give them some physical touch by putting your hand on their shoulder, give them some words of affirmation by telling them they’re doing an awesome job, complete an act of service by doing something for them (I’ll let you be imaginative here) and complete the process by handing them a gift. You will completely win a friend for life and be a master of the love language.

How do you discover how someone feels appreciated?

Ask them about their favourite time someone showed them love or apreciation at work or at home, and listen carefully to their answer. These “Five Love Languages,” when used in the workplace and at home will most definately help you to increase performance, improve relationships and definitely make work and home happier places to be.

Have fun with “The 5 Love Languages!” and if you would like to discover your love languages now, you can via Dr Gary Chapman’s website:

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