What is it like working with a Coach?

What is it like working with a Coach?

If you’re asking yourself, “What is it like working with a coach?” You’ve found the right page. I have coached professionally since 2002 and back in 2004 I started teaching coaches how to coach using NLP and formal coaching models.

I learned business from my many business start-ups and have successfully sold some of them. I used to think that my greatest learnings happened when I ran advertising agencies, but those pale in comparison to what I learned starting a coaching business. I gleaned a lot over those coaching years, so if you’re thinking about getting a coach, here is what to expect from working with one.

Firstly, your coach is there to help you. To help you to do what you previously couldn’t, so don’t get caught up on all the things that your coach will do for you. Remember, coaching is intended to get you to do the previously undoable.

Coaching is conversational, so if your coach does ‘Step #1’ (below) really well, it should feel like you are working with a very clever ‘friend.’

Not all coaching sessions or meetings are the same, though here is a guide of what is it like working with a Coach. While I’ve put them in ‘Steps,’ some steps continue happening while your coach is performing the next step. Depending on what your coach is helping you to achieve, the steps might include other elements and could be presented in a different order. My point here, is this is a guide, not a rule. So here we go…

Step #1: The very first thing your coach will do is help you to feel comfortable in the partnership – coaching is a partnership after-all. If they’re trained in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), this step will be achieved quickly and you won’t even know that you’re in this step. You’ll just feel at ease.

Step #2: Next your coach will elicit from you what you want or expect to get from your coach meetings. Your coach will help you to get specific about your goals or desires or what life for you looks like without your problems. Personally, I like to get my clients to complete a PreCoaching Questionnaire, which is hugely helpful to us both.

If they’re NLP trained (and I hope they are), they’ll also take you through the ‘7 Keys for Success’ and help you to create what we call, ‘Well-Formed Outcomes.’ By the end of this step, you’ll be clear about the outcomes of your coaching, more-so, your coach will know exactly what you want and what you need.

Step #3: Now it’s time to identify the obstacles that stand in your way. The things that stand between you and those outcomes that were elicited in Step #2. Your coach will continue asking questions to determine what needs to change or what you need to do. What is it like working with a Coach by now will be really clear to you. You should be feeling comfortable and excited.

Again, if they’re NLP trained, you’re in for some life-shifting moments, because they are trained to identify limiting beliefs, patterns, neurological pathways and conflicts that stand in your way and – they can help you to change at the most profound neurological levels. This is where the true magic of coaching begins and if your coach is trained to NLP Master Practitioner level – buckle up, this next step will be amazing.

Step #4: This is the stage where the coaching road splits in two. If your coach is not NLP trained, then you’ll end up with a list of tasks that you need to do to achieve your goals.

If your coach is NLP trained, then they’ll help to shift your thinking at the level of the unconscious (where you do things without thinking) so that you will be able to do what you need to do, to get what you want without experiencing the usual self-sabotage that most people experience. It now should be much easier to reach your desired outcomes.

If you’ve got yourself an NLP trained coach, they’ll be making sure you’re good to go after doing the neurological change work. What is it like working with a Coach? It’s one of the most exciting opportunities that you can ever create for yourself.

Step #5: Now for the plan. Your coach will work with you to map out the best way forward; a strategy if you like. There will be specific tasks laid out in detail and ideal completion dates and/or times. This way everyone is clear what needs to be done and by when. If we are to enter unchartered territory, we’ll need this map.

Now we know what to do next and we should feel like we can do all that needs to be done. If not, we’ll deal with those limitations in our next coach meeting.

Step #6: Now it’s time to end the session, but before doing so, you’ll work with your coach to decide when is the ideal time to reconnect for your next coach meeting. Remember this is a partnership.

Some coaches and their clients like to pre-arrange all their meeting dates and times in advance – and of course, this is okay too as it saves doing ‘Step #6’ at the end of each meeting.

The next session: Here you both address the list of tasks from the previous meeting, to see what was done and what wasn’t. Now this is not a parent/child relationship, so don’t expect to get into trouble for not completing any tasks. You’re both adults after-all. Though should there remain uncompleted tasks, this creates an opportunity for your coach to find out more about you – perhaps there are underlying issues surrounding ‘procrastination’ for example. This can be removed as a disruptive and unproductive program in the next session.

Coaching is an amazing partnership. It’s like having someone on your side, in your success team. They will see what you can’t and help you to do what you previously couldn’t. Anyone who is serious about success in their career, relationships, health, wealth and their life in general really should consider getting a coach. After-all, every champion has a coach, so should you.

Would you like to Test Drive a Coach?

If you would like to test-drive one of our coaches – you can. Your first session is completely free and free of obligation. Would you like to test drive a coach today?

Secondary gain – An issue for both client and coach

Secondary gain – An issue for both client and coach

Secondary gain is problem for not only a Life Coach’s client, but also the Coach.

The clock says its eight fifteen and I know I should have wrapped up this coaching session ages ago. But my client needs all the help they secondary gaincan get and I’ve got no other appointments in my diary for another hour or so. So I may as well continue.

What do you think?

Read more

The Relationship Edge: Your first 7 seconds are critical

The Relationship Edge: Your first 7 seconds are critical

relationship edgeDo you want to get the relationship edge? There are seven things you need to know. The moment a stranger notices you, their brain makes 11 major decisions and a multitude of computations. Are you safe? Can you be trusted? Do you have status or authority? Will you be a potential intimate partner? Are you competent? Do you look like a friend or foe? Do you appear like you’re selling, compelling or repelling? Read more

Beyond Depression – 7 Tips to Terrific!

Beyond Depression – 7 Tips to Terrific!

So motivated by the latest research on depression, I just had to write beyond depressionbeyond depression. As a depression specialist, I know it doesn’t have to be that way. There are ways to remove the shackles of depression from our lives.

Recent research revealed that one in six men and one in four women will suffer depression. One in 20 will endure Bipolar (formally ‘manic depression’) and depression is now the #1 health concern in Australia.

Read more

Change your focus, change your life

Change your focus, change your life

focusIf you change your focus, you change your life. Nothing is simpler. Though where do you start in the process of change? How can you improve your life in profound and positive ways? Your answers are hidden in your values and beliefs. Though the first step of change is to get off your RAS! (but I’ll explain that later…)

“Whatever you focus upon expands,” is something we say in NLP circles. Does that mean if you ‘focus’ on being happy you will have more happiness? We’ll yes. As long as your focus is on all the things that make you happy; instead of the aspects of your life that don’t. So how does that really work?

We can change our focus by getting off our RAS!

The catalyst to focus is your “Reticular Activating System” or your “RAS.”  It is the name given to part of the brain (the Reticular Formation and its connections) that arouses and motivates you. The RAS in essence, determines how you view yourself and the world around you.  It is situated at the core of the brain stem between the myelencephalon (medulla) and metencephalon (midbrain).

The RAS is that little bundle of cells you have in the back of your brain known as the “control centre.”  It serves as the filter for what enters your conscious and unconscious mind.  This makes sense why after watching a horror movie, the darkness takes on a more sinister aura.

According to Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in his book, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, “We filter around 2 million bits of information per second down to 7 plus or minus 2 chunks of information.” In other words, the data available to your central nervous system goes through a process of deletion, distortion and generalisation. Today with the regular bombardment of sensory data, your RAS helps you to make sense of all the information swarming around you like bees. Our RAS defines how we treat the swarms of data and makes sense why some people always get stung, while others get the honey.

Your beliefs and values guide what your RAS focuses upon.

The system in charge of sorting the information is your RAS. The RAS is a self-filtering function that chooses what you accept and reject based upon your beliefs, values and prejudices. So wherever you focus, determines what you experience and don’t experience. In other words, “Whatever you focus upon expands.”

Focusing on two or three key areas of business or a singular goal does something special to your behaviour. It triggers your RAS to be on alert. Your brain is assaulted by thousands of messages each second. Everything you see, hear, smell, feel and touch is a message entering your brain. The RAS filters through all these messages and decides which ones will get page one treatment – that is, arouse the brain.

One of the things we’ve learned from working with students in our NLP Practitioner Training program, is that you tend to pay attention to the things which are important to you at the time. If your dominant thoughts are about creating a new business, you’ll start seeing other what other businesses do and you will get ideas. You’ll hear conversations about new business models. You’ll pick up ideas relating to new business ventures and even see things around you in a different way and relate it back to business.

Your RAS is programmed to determine what is important to you.

In other words, the RAS will reject or ignore anything unrelated to your focus and bring to your attention anything that is even remotely related to your focus. This makes sense why starting a new business will often mean that relationships and health for example, take a back seat for some time until the business is up and running.

From a practical point of view, this means that, if you want to solve a problem or achieve a goal, keep it top of mind. Think about it, talk about it, write about it and imagine it completed. This is one of the reasons why affirmations can work and why it is important to review your goals frequently. Affirmations simply direct your focus in the area of your desires. They help you to keep focused and paying attention.

If you focus on improving a specific key area of your business for example, your RAS will pass through sights, sounds, people and ideas that are related to your point of focus. It is said that simply creating a budget will save you between ten and thirty percent of your expenditure! How can simply budgeting achieve such a task? In other words, if you measure that area of your focus visibly, frequently and attentively, it will likely improve. You may find yourself saying, “I don’t need to spend so much on treats” and your spending pattern improves.

Set simple goals and include metrics.

Here’s my suggestion: Identify the two to five key measurements and key indicators that are important and essential for your business or your life. Set up an active system to measure and track these indicators. An exercise plan or health plan for example. Talk to your employees or friends about it at every opportunity. Put charts and graphs of these indicators on your wall. Make your interest in these metrics very active and visible.

If you set up measurements that indicate if your activities are working or not, chances are, you’ll get what you’re looking for; improvements in these areas. In fact, you can count on it.

Last year for example I programmed my RAS (using NLP) to attune my focus towards health. Since then I have lost 9 kilograms (19.84 pounds) and I am fitter and much healthier. I set simple goals; to actively exercise for a minimum of one-hour a day (one metric), take a minimum of 5,000 steps each day (two metrics), and I weigh myself (three metrics), look in the mirror (four metrics) and check in with my overall feelings of well-being (five metrics).

From a scientific point of view, the RAS is involved with the sleep/wake cycle and damage to the RAS can lead to permanent coma. It is thought to be the area affected by many psychotropic drugs. General anaesthetics work through their effect on the Reticular Formation. Fibres from the Reticular Formation are also vital in controlling respiratory and cardiac rhythms and other essential functions.

The Reticular Activating System has received attention from neuroscientists interested in various pathological conditions affecting behaviour, such as Alzheimer’s Disease. More recently, results of research on the area has prompted extrapolations from the data into various areas such as motivational programmes (for example, Getting Things Done) and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

The RAS is a structure in the brain stem that is responsible for arousal and sleep. The RAS is responsible for getting you up in the morning and putting you asleep at night – it makes sense then why your RAS awakens you, alerts you like an alarm to those things that are in the forefront of your consciousness. So in closing – set your RAS to what you would like to manifest into your life. Make a decision to focus in an area of your life that you wish to vastly improve. Set up your measurements that tell you that you are progressing and if your behaviour doesn’t change, consider learning or mastering NLP.

Luck: Creating your own good luck

Luck: Creating your own good luck

Good luck, where did it come from and can we call it into our lives? As far back as history allows, people have believed in the concept of luck and have done whatever they could to attain it. From lucky four leaf cloverwearing lucky underpants, to lucky charms to knocking on wood; thought to date back to pagan rituals aimed at eliciting help from powerful tree gods. Even today some knock on wood after mentioning a hopeful future outcome, though few, if any, of us worship tree gods. So why do we pass this and other superstitions down from generation to generation? The answer lies in the power of luck.

Read more

Wealth Mindset: Wealth wasn’t meant to be hard, it’s hard-wired

Wealth Mindset: Wealth wasn’t meant to be hard, it’s hard-wired

rich mindA wealth mindset is a contentious issue for most, though my question to you today is simple. Is wealth hard or is it hard-wired into your mindset?

If I took a stab in the dark and asked you what your greatest frustration is when it comes to creating wealth. Would you say something like, “I can’t seem to earn enough.” Though I bet few would say, “I’m just not hard-wired for wealth?” The latter of course is correct. Wealth is a set of do’s and don’ts, but most miss that those behaviours are found in a wealth mindset.

Read more

Your values and how they work

Your values and how they work

Values are habits and people value different things because they think in different habits. That’s right, “habits.” Our thinking forms into habit patterns and that’s why we keep getting the same results in life.

Because we all think in different ways, it is important to manage and communicate with people in different ways. To know a person’s habit patterns helps us to speak in ‘their’ language. Remember, choosing to adopt the belief that ‘Communication is the response you get,’ understanding and communicating within other people’s model of the world allows for the best result.

Definitions

  • Values are what’s most important to us.
  • Beliefs are convictions we trust as being true.
  • Attitudes are determined by collections of beliefs.
  • Belief Systems are the structure of our convictions.
  • Core Beliefs are fundamental convictions of what’s most important to us.

Formation of Values

Role modelling is something that humans do unconsciously from the time they are born. According to sociologist, Dr. Morris Massey, we each go through major development stages. Think of what was happening in your life during these periods, who you may have been modelling, what surroundings, education, group affiliations and significant emotional events influenced you toward or away from certain habits and value systems.

Developmental Periods

  • 0-7 Imprint Period – You’re a sponge; 20 Billion Synapses are created.
  • 7-14 Modelling Period – Who you are is largely due to who you modelled at around 10 years of age.
  • 14-21 Socialisation Period – Here you take your model out to socialize it – try it on in front of others.
  • 21-35 Career Period or Business Persona – Here you model who you relate to in the business arena.

How to elicit your what’s important to you?

Below are alternate types of values elicitations to use in different contexts.

The steps to eliciting values are a simple process. It is simply a case of asking your client,

1. “What is important to you in the context of your Career?” (or whatever you are focusing upon, eg: Career, Relationship, Family, Health, Fitness, Personal Growth, Spirituality, etc…

2. List each value and continue asking, “What is important to you in the context of your Career?” until you elicit all the values. Your client will get to two blank spots, where they will appear to run out of ideas of what they value. Push them to two blank spots; these are boundary conditions of their thinking; here you will often discover the gold – vital values.

3. Now have them prioritise their values based upon their most important value down to their least important value by asking them, “Now, number your values according to their value to you? What is the most important value? What’s next?”

In performance enhancement coaching – it is most useful in placing your clients’ values in the order in which their values fall realistically, that is how they really are, not what they would like them to be. Then you can do some values work to alter them to enhance their performance.

Values Elicitation – Complex Equivalents

Sometimes values can be an indicator of a Complex Equivalence; i.e.: one thing not necessarily equaling another. The questioning process to elicit a Complex Equivalence is as follows (using the value of “Passionate” as an example): –

“How do you know when you’re passionate ?” What does it mean to you to be passionate ?”

“How do you know when someone is passionate with you?”

“What is your evidence procedure for passion ?”

“What causes you to feel passionate ? Why?”

EG: Complex Equivalence – “When my blood is pumping fast through my body, I know I’m passionate.” Counter the Complex Equivalence – “Have you ever been passionate and calm at the same time?”

Values Utilisation

Knowing a person’s values can be useful in effective and persuasive communication.

Values as elicited in hierarchy: –

  1. Love
  2. Wealth
  3. Integrity
  4. Connection
  5. Growth
  6. Freedom

In this case you can feed back their values in what will become an engaging sentence, such as: – “Alex, if I could show you a way to grow your wealth, doing what you love with integrity, where you could connect with some wealthy individuals would this interest you? And if I could also offer you the freedom to grow to whatever level you desire, would you go all the way and get the most from all our trainings?”

By using all the values in the proposition, you are creating a compelling proposition.

Standard Elicitation

“What’s important to you in the context of your Career?”

MY CAREER VALUES                   MY CAREER VALUES (In Order)

………………………………………………..    ………………………………..

………………………………………………..    ………………………………..

………………………………………………..    ………………………………..

………………………………………………..    ………………………………..

Motivation Strategy Elicitation

“Can you remember a time when you were totally motivated in the context of your…(Career, Relationship, Family, Health, Fitness, Personal Growth, Spirituality, etc)….”

“Can you remember a specific time? As you remember that time, what was the last thing you felt just before you were totally motivated? Can you give me the name of that feeling?” If the word you get is too low level (without too much energy or congruence) then ask; “What’s important to you about that?”

MY MOTIVATION VALUES          MY MOTIVATION VALUES (In Order)

………………………………………………..     ………………………………..

………………………………………………..     ………………………………..

………………………………………………..     ………………………………..

Want to Learn How to Shift Your VALUES and Change Your Life with our Masters Training?

To Find Out More Contact our Melbourne office on +61 3 8669 1121 or  email us via: training@lifebeyondlimits.com.au This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or View Training Dates

a life beyond limits book

NLP: What you focus upon grows

a life beyond limits book

Excerpt from Life Beyond Limits by Rik Schnabel

Infinity Belief® – Focus upon the life that you choose to grow.

While living in Perth, I recall a conversation with my neighbour. He said he had never succeeded at growing corn. I couldn’t understand why such a simple task befuddled him, soon I learned why. He always planted his seeds in the heat of summer, instead of spring and forgot to water them as he was often distracted. He failed to focus upon them, so they never grew. Success requires focus because what you focus upon grows. Read more

Creating Relationships Beyond Limits

Creating Relationships Beyond Limits

At our recent Journey Beyond Limits in Melbourne, we enjoyed relating, sharing and discovering our thoughts and views on the subject of “Relationships Beyond Limits!”
The quality of all our relationships including our relationships with our partner, others and money is determined by one element and our relationship to that one vital element. That element is “LOVE”. In her book, “Embraced by the Light”, Betty J. Eadie discussed her awakening at a soul level after leaving this earth upon haemorrhaging after giving birth. Yes, she died and then wrote her first book. Not the best way to write I know, however highly insightful on Betty’s part.
Betty’s death delivered her to what she called, ‘Heaven’. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. There she explained being presented before ‘The Council of Men’, among the Circle of the Wise, 12 men whom had ascended to the highest order of spiritual awareness. Standing before a kidney shaped table, she stood in the indented part of the table and here she was allowed to ask any question of these exalted spirits.

To write the book of course, Betty returned to her body. She recalled all of her questions, but was only able to remember some of the answers. Betty of course asked the biggie – “Why are we here?” The answer to this question was simple in its answer, yet profound in its deeper meaning. The answer was, “To Learn to Love”. Love all people, the air we breathe, the earth we walk upon, the water we drink, everything. And our relationships provide the opportunity for us to achieve this.

To learn to love however, means we must at first direct our love, our deepest respect, the highest level of kindness toward ourselves as loving others without self-love is neediness and counterfeit. If we love ourselves and create a relationship with another, then our love will be strengthened and we will be united at a spiritual level as well as an earthly one.

Betty J. Eadie said, “We are all collectively bonded to each other while on earth, united in this one supreme purpose – to learn to love each other, the highest of energy is love.” Love is the energy to heal ourselves and to heal the planet and unite our energy as one. It is no surprise that many diseases are derived of anger, a lack of understanding and an inability to love others and particularly oneself. I have seen cancers dissolve in love. Multiple Sclerosis loosen its hold through love and Chronic Fatigue give over to energy through love.

Kinesiology is the practice of muscle testing to identify imbalances in the body’s structural, chemical or emotional energies while locating blockages in energetic flow. Muscle testing is often achieved by testing the strength or resistance of a patient’s arm held outwards and having placed pressure upon it. In David Hawkins’ book, “Power versus Force” he states, “Some ideas are so weakening that merely holding them in mind makes a test subject unable to keep up his arm at all. Powerful patterns are associated with health; weak patterns are associated with sickness, disease and death. If you hold forgiveness in mind, your arm will be very strong. If you hold revenge in mind, your arm will go weak.” Betty J. Eadie’s book, “Embraced by the Light” confirms that we shall eventually have to accept responsibility for every thought, word and deed we beget and re-experience exactly whatever suffering we have caused. In this sense, we create our own heaven or hell.

I thought it might be useful to include a few points that were discussed below…

  1. Here were a few suggestions from “Relationships Beyond Limits”: –
  2. The illusion of separateness is found in the masculine and feminine
  3. The purpose of all relationships is ‘Understanding’.
  4. The point of Understanding is to learn about ourselves by relating to others. The more we learn about others, the more we discover about ourselves.
  5. Our senses are designed to distract us, delude us. We only believe what we see, hear, smell, touch, taste and think.
  6. Our senses also tell us we’re different. Others look different, sound different, smell, touch, taste and think differently.
  7. Learn to love all experiences and become curious to their meaning.

Grow your Charisma by:

  1. Ask 4 questions in the first 20 minutes – You’ll seem younger, taller, thinner.
  2. Ask open ended questions: – “And then…Meaning….And how do you feel about that…”
  3. Let the speaker finish their words before you speak.
  4. Women speak around 20,000 to 30,000 words, Men speak around 7,000 to 10,000 words. (Ladies, that’s why he doesn’t talk much at the end of the day – he’s spent all his words!)

Many of our beliefs are developed during the imprint period (0-7 years). And many of our relationships end at the peril of some of our negative beliefs.

Our values are the rudders of our lives and determine our direction. Many of these values were determined through ‘The Ages of Humankind’ and became social norms, rules, laws and mantras as to how to live on our planet.

The Ages of Humankind are: –

  1. The Survival Age
  2. The Agricultural Age
  3. The Industrial Age
  4. The Age of Truth

The Survival Age’s values were determined by one’s Ability to Survive and society valued: –

  1. Speed
  2. Hunting
  3. Fighting

The Agricultural Age’s values were determined by one’s Ability to Sustain itself and society valued: –

  1. Strength
  2. Persistence
  3. Endurance

The Industrial Age’s values were determined by one’s Ability to Survive and society valued: –

  1. Intelligence
  2. Strategic Thinking
  3. Money

The Age of Truth’s values are determined by one’s Ability to Connect and Be Yourself and society is now moving to value: –

  1. Love
  2. Understanding
  3. Truth

Our relationships teach us to connect with ourselves by understanding all that we are, by understanding all that we are not.

Our relationships also are teaching us to manifest all that we desire by learning to love.